Good morning Jennifer!
Today is a brand new day. SO I decided the other day that it was time to conclude my last journal. I was being neurotic about finishing the last 60 pages, but I have enough loose pages to make up and I can confidently say that I have completed a 1 year cycle.
Wow I just went back and checked my texts and October 10th is the day that E got in my face and triggered me. He threw shit at me. And I told him he needed to leave.
Thursday October 7th was the day we went to therapy with Dr. H and discussed separation. I had mentioned it to E the week before. Wow. SO the thing I saw about completing 1 year. Today is one year since I kicked him out. I remember that day. WHen that happened I remember having a flashback and clearly seeing the connection directly to my first abuser.
Saturday at 0:00 I shot up out of my sleep and looked at the watch. I was like “weird”. WAtched it turn 0:01.
“Take it through the tree”
000 in numerology symbolizes closing and ending one thing and/or new beginnings.
Last year, I set the intention of giving this one year. I set that limit with myself. On 10/7/22 we saw Dr. H and discussed separation, 10/8/22 000 happened, and then today. I decided to start the new journal. I checked texts and today is the day. SO much aligning.
SO when I took 0 to the tree I got nothing, but when you do 1 you get Kether which is the crown. I am, I become.
Spiritual experiences in unison with self. Strengths- embracing change, order. 0 weaknesses or vices.
Kether directly relates to malkouth which is the physical. Where am I in my life now and is it in alignment? Well we know that answer. And that is my confirmation from the tree. And I TRUST TRUST the universe. I don’t need to wait.
This is right and the sooner this gets worked through and ended, the sooner good things can come in. We can both move on.
I’m doing this Isis healing tonight with M. I’m ready. Soooo ready.
Hello Jennifer
Welcome to your ext chapter. When you get a few moments today, fill us in on what’s gonna happen net! Get your Kabbalah goals together. Let’s do this!
Reflecting on my day
I just got home fro doign the Isis healing with M. Like I said, it was time. She agreed that no matter what he did, there is no saving our relationship because at the core of the relationship is a trauma bond, and on my end it was because of all the familiar features. Same shit different animal. But some things that are creepy: He sleeps to murder shows. SPecifically, shows where men murder their wives. Just like my abusive father has done for this entire life.
The subconscious shit. The same shit.
- Fucking me when I was passed out drunk.
- Encouraging me to drink
- Me needing to drink to be around him
- drinking ot escape him
- drinking to ease the pain
- the shame
- the shame
- the guilt
I read letters that I wrote a year ago where I was taking blame for our relationship. LOL What the fuck Jennifer. I literally said “Most of it’s my fault” wow. Just like he would want me to think. How dreadful.
I just can’t believe this is what life is. LOL It’s wild. Healing is fucking WILDER.
E is out having “French fries and drinks with coworkers” Said it all sketchy. I want to be a bitch, but I need to be my higher self I did send a couple of texts but stopped. I need to remember that these next steps are going to be trying. Me and M literally JUST talked about that.
What the fuck is love? What is a healthy relationship?
I need to stay focused. Maybe school right now isn’t the best idea. Whatever so what if I fail the fucking classes. I’ll do what I can. I will hustle tomorrow & Wednesday & Thursday & Friday & Saturday.
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