KABBALLAH NOTES
So I talked to B the other night. He is so full of shit. I have a number of things to reflect on with him, mostly my lessons in narcissism.
Also I got on Bumble.
Need to also discuss Malkuth study group and the honesty piece. Discernment and self-awareness. Awareness, and how I’ve allowed myself to get overbooked.
Reality-discerning reality: reality is what exists when your thoughts about it doesn’t change it.
Letting go of control
How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Balance in inner/outer reality.
Inertia relates to trajectory and where you’re going. Speaks to comfort zone.
The anxiety I’m feeling is because I’m out of my comfort zone and I have to keep moving in that direction. I joined Bumble. I’m talking to other men.
I need more reflective time and time to journal. I need to be getting my house in order and finish decluttering and lining myself to start smashing my goals. So, what do I need to do to line up with my goals?
I need to streamline my day structure and block my time and create an unbr3eakable schedule.
I need to create my breakdown of steps to achieve my goals and then streamline it.
I need to schedule my alone time.
Manifestation
The 4 worlds-process of bringing things through the tree. Work with meditation. Can use it lots of ways.
The outline of the 4 worlds to work however I want.
Couple of things I need to reflect on.
This week has been so major.
- Horoscope things
- B being too available
Boundary setting with everyone
I do too much for others and not enough for myself. I AM the person that legit always there for other people. Taking care of other people get the attention
Other people get the good mood, the energy, the effort, the kindness, the undisturbed time.
Fuck I can’t wait to get divorced.
I’m so fucking sick of this dynamic in my relationshps.
I am a total people pleaser. I need to stop. Look at what I’m involved in!
There’s a lot that I need to reflect on in terms on my relationshps. Friends too. Like R. Perfect example. Her sister saying I’m such a good friend. Of course I am. Because I treat people how I want to be treated. But don’t seem to get that in return. So. I’m going to re-evaluate my relationships with people. Specifically the people I spend my time with or who I give attention to.
I’m going to also nail down my goals tomorrow. This week. Build them out.
THis week has been crazy for me. I told E very clearly that I want a divorce. And that I’m on Bumble. We had a conversations.
Like this one. Wants me around. Thanked me and says he truly appreciates me being there for him all the time. Yeah. Doesn’t want to lose me. So fucking pay. Like he thinks I’m going ot have the same involvement with him?
In my professional life I’m good because I know people are liars and I call them on their shit.
But in my personal life, I can’t have people like that in my life. Nothing pisses me off more than a fucking liar.
This week, I’m tuning everyone out. I’m turing off notifications. If anyone needs me they can call. I’m don’t have time for any of that so I’m gonna get all of my shit lined up for..
E is scrambling again. He acts like he’s interested in doing stuff like wants to do the personal mission statement.
I have this to say:
I mentioned all of those things one year ago. I wrote a whole list. I named books. I requested to do things togheter. He did not.
Now he’s trying to shame me for being “light years ahead”
Yeah I am.
Because I did the work. Because I made a commitment TO MYSELF this time.
After committing to E when he didnt’ commit to me. He never committed to me. Look at all the years I gave!
I’m committed to myself now.
And I’m going to commit to people that commit to me from now on.
Say it again, Jennifer
Commit to those that commit to you.
- I commit to those that commit to me
- I commit to those that commit to me
- I commit to those that commit to me
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