11.18.2022

I should have written before 2 days ago. I got a friend request from P. I thought it was spam so I investigated it. I accepted it. Then he messaged me saying thanks for accepting the request, hope you’re well.

I didn’t know we were not friends, I had just been on his page. He said he had to unfriend for a while. Said he “spoke too fondly and K ‘went crazy’”

Then I called. We talked. He said he caught her cheating. Then goes on about how he should have pursued me more back then, he thinks about me all the time, he wonders what could have been, I was the one who got away and he wasn’t going to lose me again.

I feel like I’ve been waiting 10+ years for this exact moment. I still tell the story of how we met often. It’s one of my greatest memories. Sex with him was the greatest ever, being with him was the best ever I always felt so free with him. So much myself. We were cautiously impulsive and it was perfect. He’s a daydreamer. He’s a music head. He’s connected to things, has observable parts, expressed parts. But at the same time there is so much more inside. He speaks without words. We spoke without words the first time we laid eyes on eachother.

I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

I’ve commented in here about how this (my life) in its current state feels like rebirth. It feels like I’m 20. I’ve directly discussed how that time was the last time I felt like myself when i took those monthly trips to HHI, my safe place (learned in EMDR) when I knew him. Was he part of that safety? The freedom I had there with him? That whole time?

Wicker Park!

SM Toyota! That perios meant so much to my growth. Darryl, Tony, Mike O, Lisa, Brendan, Mike A. Marcus, Trish, Lisa. God I wish I could tell Lisa.

I can’t believe it. fuck

To hear him say tht words was funny. Like Fuck lol So familiar, like its about time, but also “HAS HE SAID THIS TO ME BEFORE?” no? but I’ve heard him say those exact words so many timesin my mind, in another dimension? In my dreams? It’s like I knew this would happen I mean fuck the timing. It’s like, it had to be this way. I had to get to this point, I had to go through these tests, this everything. work travel getting back to myself going deep and reconnecting with myself led us back together?

wow

Listening to I know you are but what am I

That morning he messaged me I posted a video titles “What’s meant for you won’t pass you by”

I feel like this past year has been a training ground for me. I have been met with a lot of tests and a lot of opportunities to gain new awareness and I have. It’s been so rapid.

He said he’s buying a house. HE sold his record collection and is looking to buy a house on the island. I’m going to see about a job down there.