S is here, marathon.
I remembered..
Am I gonna get the play by play every single time-unwell ones
What if He is the bulldozer?
He’s been triggering different parts of me, the inner teenager.
I have to explore this more. I have to go deeper.
I think that him being here might be a mistake. What is this anyway? I have to keep it on the level of curiosity.
Curious detachment.
I think I get something more now. I sit here and find my creativity stifled. And it’s because he’s here.
He is dark.
He is a faker.
“fake it til you make it.”
I hate that. I used to say that and believe it too until I learned better.
A monkey. A muppet. The amount of work needed.
I need my space to creatively flourish.
But -> he is also a muse.
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