I believe in things having a home. Or a safe place. There has to be this in order to safely venture out. You have to know that you can go out and come back.
This is how I was describing my need for order. My obsession with rules and order, work now so you can play later.
It’s the structure or framework.
Theoretically with order, there is a set standard and things can go off track and get messy and you know where you need to be to get back.
Do THIS to get THAT result.
Are you living the life that you want?
What have you manifested?
Where have your actions brought you?
You want to go from point A to point B
You know how, and if not, you know how to figure it out. You need action. Action will take you away from the comfort of the “plan”. Because plans can go wrong but that doesn’t mean you avoid action.
That’s the fun part. That’s when it gets messy. And then you get the pleasure of putting it back together again. With new skills to do it better. Speaking of taking it back, I’m getting back to journaling daily in the morning. That’s how I’m going to incorporate my new cold weather routines, mindful of that rest period. I can’t wait to run my data. That’s essentially how I ran this year. I ran the data from LHC and replicated in real life the best I could.
Lat year when I did all the things, therapy, travel, IT was because I ran the data on the last time of my life where I felt myself and that I was taking time for myself, and that was coincidentally during the time that I met P,
And here he has returned
Also ending his long term relationship/marriage
We potentially could both be different people. I can’t hang on to old ideas of him. I’m open to getting to know him.
I think I buy expensive shit because I’d rather pay for quality than have to buy something over and over. I think.
Or maybe I automatically trust it. I put value and trust in what things cost. YET I DON’T KNOW MY OWN WORTH.
I don’t hole myself to the same standard that I do others. in this cae, I think less of myself, more of others. I should pay people what they’re worth but I should expect to be paid less. I accept less. And forget that, I don’t even know the starting point.
SO I paid people to do my website. My photography website.
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