Calling on the Devil
Here is where we are in my healing journey. I’ve now worked backwards.
This is in reference to calling on the Devil. The Devil being my original abuser. Working backwards as in “having to go back to the abuser”
Can I do this now?
I had a thought to call him to help me save J. Is that me walking into the fire? I should talk to my therapist and ChatGPT. I need to start working on a thread.
That’s that shit right? Stepping into the fire. But first I need to prepare for war essentially.
Shits about to pop off.
How can I safely do that? Is there a way? Is there a path to healing there?
This was not long after I essentially kicked 22 year old son out and told him to go live with Ex. Ex had interfered with my parenting my dictating to J what he should or should not have to “contribute” towards living expenses after I calculated a fair amount based on averages wages of an entry level full-time worker. And J began to make disrespectful statements to me that mirrored my Ex’s previous abusive statements.
Of course, this was as a way to teach him that responsibility, which thereby might encourage forward progression in terms of independence. Also, the intention was to save and invest the money for him since I was never really in the position to save for his college or for the purchase of a car or anything like people with greater means could do. I imagined that scenario playing out in a big reveal where whenever he eventually moved on, I would have seed money for him. This is a parenting opportunity that was robbed from me. It is harm transferred in many ways. Harm to my son through harming me and directly interfering with my ability to provide for my son’s future stability.
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